Baloney Fest 07 - Bob Odenkirk and Neil Hamburger
BALONEY FEST '07 - DAY 1
Some Rejected First lines to this Article
* My Embarrassing Interview with Bob Odenkirk and Neil Hamburger
* Bump, Set, Spike; Odenkirk, Hamburger, Embarrassment
* The Air up There is Embarrassing
* Is Embarrassment Funny? The Hamburger and Odenkirk Story
* The Life and Times of Bob Odenkirk and Neil Hamburger and Me, Embarrassed
Somewhere within Bob Odenkirk's middle-aged man-body there is a fully functional Star. Like most Stars (or Suns), being too close to one makes you vulnerable to intense burns and the fear of intense burns. I, like Icarus did some 350 000 years ago, found out the hard way the incredible power that Stars can yield. Except instead of the Sun, I flew too close to Bob Odenkirk, and instead of my wings being burned up, they were violently torn off with his intimidating mind knowledge.
I was terribly nervous about meeting Bob. At first, the prospect of talking with the man that literally inspired me to start performing comedy was an exciting and welcomed opportunity; however, the closer the deadline came the more nervous I became. Doubts about my abilities as an interviewer began to develop. I slept less, I ate more, and I became overly cranky. For about a week I was convinced that I was pregnant, that those fun-free weeks in San Jose Del Cabo were more costly then the 2000 dollars that I had invested in the vacation. But alas I am a man, and male pregnancy is only a terrible myth to scare hormonal teens into abstinence, so the symptoms were soon rediagnosed as "Oden-Stress".
Besides the pregnancy scare, I also became increasingly worried that if I wasn't able to somehow covertly imply that I too was a comedian, that I truly understood what he was talking about and wasn't some uninterested third party interviewer, this magnificent opportunity would be wasted. So I began brainstorming:
Comedian-to-Comedian: Building the Bridges of Tomorrow (A Brainstorm)
Even after several hours, I had nothing. Truth-be-told, I was too worried about my ill golden retriever to do any effective brainstorming. However, worse than my sick dog or my inability to think of a way to connect with my hero, I found out that my interview had been pushed ahead to Thursday instead of the original Saturday. So I did what any non-journalist-dog-lover would do if they were me: I watched a bunch of old Mr. Show episodes and thought about a younger, healthier Mrs. Crayola (my dog).
By the time Thursday had reared its frightening Bob-talons, I had learned only 6 things:
Tuesday through Thursday: 6 Things Learned
* Bob created/Starred/Wrote/Produced Mr. Show with Bob and David on HBO from 1995 ? 1998 along side David Cross
* Bob started in comedy on a Southern Illinois University college radio station
* He wrote for The Ben Stiller Show, Saturday Night Live, and The Dennis Miller Show during the early 1990's
* Three films have been directed by Bob Odenkirk post Mr. Show: The Brothers Solomon, Let's go to Prison, and Melvin Goes to Dinner
* He currently directs a web show at www.superdelux.com, called Derek and Simon, and is the executive producer of Tim and Eric Awesome Show: Great Job! on Adult Swim
* Unlike men, Mrs. Crayola can (and did) get pregnant
Although I had only 6 concrete Bob/Mrs. Crayola facts to go on, I was able to think up a number of non-specific questions to help guide my interview. I was still worried, as I sat in the hotel lobby waiting for the clock to read 2:45, but at least now I had a foundation, something to work from.
I also had some support to lean on. I had recruited my good friend, esteemed funnyman, and inexperienced camera operator Greg Anderton to help me film the interview. We sat there awkwardly trying to look like we knew what we were doing, poking at the camera we didn't know how to operate, and making uncomfortable eye contact with minor to mid range celebrities.
Celebrity Encounters at the Georgian Court - September 20th, 2007
* "You guys look like you're waiting for the principal." - Todd Glass
* "Hey what kind of camera is that?" - Nardwuar
* Nod - David Cross
* "Going up?" - Marc Maron
* "You guys know you have to check in first right?" - Concierge (who is not a celebrity, but who I thought would be appropriate because I need a transition to the next paragraph)
Unbeknownst to us, you had to check in at Room 216, but by now it was exactly 2:46 and we were late. After rushing to find Room 216 on the "Mezzanine Level" to receive what I could only assume would be a verbal cut-up from the publicist on tardiness, we were told that Bob too was running late, and that his interview with Nardwuar would keep him detained for about another hour.
We left the Georgian Court for some mid-day refreshments at a nearby sports bar; only handful of feet away from the hotel lobby. In our excitement and haste we ordered a pitcher of alcoholic beer and no food. Unfortunately, the lack of food and abundance of beer did little to quell our/my nerves and before the second beer had even been finished, we had received our phone call and we were back on our way back to the hotel, this time interview bound.
It took me longer than it should have to summon the courage to knock on the door of the interview room. By now, I had convinced myself that the small amount of booze I had consumed had made me drunk, and Bob would be able to smell it on me. Surely he would assume that I was some drunkard, a lowlife, out for midday jaunt on the town with a gallon of Coors under one arm and nothing to offer him but my drunken brags about XBOX 360 (I'm very good. Try to come at me ? I dare you).
I wanted him to respect me, not think me a moron. So again a haze of excitement and worry descended ? this time peppered with confusion ? and against Greg's better judgment, I decided that the best course of action would be to eat half a pack of spearmint tictacs that I had in my shoulder bag, and knock on the door before I was finished eating them.
I must have smelled like I was made of spearmint. It was like some spearmint had somehow magically gotten together, grown my face, and wore my Cory Haim t-shirt that day. It only took the amount of time for my feet to cross over from the hallway to the room for my tiny, winged confidence to entirely disappear.
Interview Room 304
* Heavy spearmint odour throughout
* Nardwuar is still there and will remain there until I am finished my interview
* Bob Odenkirk wants to eat some mint gum from the unclaimed pack on the bed (is he making fun of me?) ? "Whose gum is this?" he asks
* Bob doesn't seem to be aware that we are going to be interviewing him ? the delayed MuchMusic interview has confused the schedule
Transcript of Conversation Between Publicist and Myself
PUBLICIST: So how long do you need with Bob?
ME: Oh I don't know. Maybe 15 minutes?
PUBLICIST: Ok. I'm gonna tell him 10 minutes, and just take 15.
ME: That's fine.
PUBLICIST (to Bob as he puts on his coat to leave): These guys are here to interview you. They had an interview earlier today but it had to be moved to now. Can you give them 5 minutes?
Bob Odenkirk Interview: Questions Asked
* Are there universals in comedy?
*Natural Humour vs. Silly Humour in relation to Bob's career
* What's funnier: live or filmed sketch?
* Improv, Bob, and Del Close
* What is Alternative Comedy?
Of the questions that I asked, I only regret asking one: "What's funnier: live or filmed sketch?" Bob effectively answered that little brainteaser in less than 3 sentences. Embarrassment strikes again! But that's all right, because the interview was now over, I was done for the day, Mrs. Crayola required some TLC.
Conor on Bob: The Interview!
Chalkedup.com Interview with Bob Odenkirk
BALONEY FEST '07 - DAY 2
NEIL HAMBURGER INTERVIEW
Contents of My Weed-centric Press Bag
* 2 packs extra large rolling papers
* "My Downtown" reusable water bottle
* Map of Vancouver
* High Times Magazine
* Neon weed grinder
*10 Dollars off at Capone's Restaurant
* 1 can of Beaver Buzz Energy Drink
Letter to High Times Magazine - September 21st, 2007 (sent)
Dear High Times Readers,
I know you probably read this all the time, and you're never going to believe what I'm about to tell you, but I swear on my favourite glass bong that every word of this is true.
When I had the opportunity to interview Neil Hamburger - the comedian - a couple of weeks ago, I literally jumped at the chance. This guy had done everything! He has done shows all over the world wearing his signature Neil Hamburger tuxedo, passing out his unique brand of dirty Neil Hamburger anti-humour. And his hair! That incredible hair!
In college, I remember a lot of the guys used to talk about how funny this guy Neil Hamburger was - especially after smoking a big fat one. They would load up a couple of his videos, load up a couple of bowls, and they would all join in on his punch lines. In fact, I remember my buddy Rory once told me that his phlegmy onstage coughs were used to deter fans from yelling out his jokes during sets.
Anyway, point is: Neil Hamburger is sweet because he is weird and he's funny. So needless to say I was a bit stressed! I decided right then and there to make this an interview that Neil wouldn't ever forget. But first things first ? it was time to get high.
Caption: Conor (right), with roommates and lifelong bros Brad (left) and Tucker (middle) toking up night before the interview.
The next day I woke up late, but it's Ok because then I got high again. This time it was Afghani Hash Plant. It's a great morning stone, or for just hanging out and chilling.
Ok, here's my point: Neil Hamburger was really funny and probably the best Saturday Night that I can think of, personally, is packing a big fat bowl of Jamaican Superskunk into my hookah and just going to a Neil Hamburger show.
Think about this if you want your mind blown: Inside the press bag I got doing such a sweet interview (everyone agreed my Jay Leno impression was spot on), there was a can of Beaver Buzz. 2 nights ago, after I pulled it out the bag, I realized that it had burst and showered everything in my bag with energy. My camera, vaporizer, and ipod were all in the same backpack.
I thought all my stuff would be ruined, but I was wrong. Your magazine and those extra large rolling papers absorbed every single drop of Beaver Buzz in the can. Everything outside the goodie bag was bone dry. So I got high to celebrate (NYC Diesel).
I could hardy believe it myself, and I was there. I don't even expect you to. But that's my story and I'm sticking to it. Neil Hamburger made me laugh and he'll do it to you too. So do me a favour High Times Readers, roll yourself a big blunt, throw on your most comfortable knitted beanie, and pop in a Neil Hamburger video - I promise you won't regret it.
4:20 for life,
Conor Holler
PS. Since I've got you on the horn here: What's the best way to make good hash: bubble bags or finger rolls?
PPS. Here's a link to the Neil Hamburger interview!
Chalkedup.com interview with Neil Hamburger
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